Craigslist Semipro Suggestions

Posted 16-Jan-2003 by OriginalDoc
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I've been seriously playing semipros for about four years now. I'm getting much better at it than I was when I started. Practice practice practice. Here are some of my thoughts on Craigslist.
* Men must post their own ad. Responding to a woman's ad is a total waste of time. A woman who posts a sex ad gets 200-1000 replies within hours, most of them cock pix. The woman generally gets overwhelmed and discouraged and responds to no one.

* The Craigslist community values intelligence and class. In order to avoid having your ad deleted, you must demonstrate both qualities. For example, "I'll give you a hundred bucks to let me jam my red hot poker up your poopshoot," will be deleted within minutes. On the other hand, "Caring benefactor desires to explore the Greek way of life with an understanding young woman" will most likely result in you having some college cutie over to your house takin' it up the ass within a week or so.

* Ah yes, I said within a week or so. Landing a semipro takes time and committment. If you want it NOW, call an escort or cruise the Mission. A true semipro is NOT a part-time hooker. Some girls do it because they have a fantasy of being paid; others are just curious. Many have never done this before. They have a very sensible apprehension about responding to an ad such as yours, let alone in following through. After she answer your ad, you have to be patient yet clear in your communications during the ensuing back-and-forth emails. I would say that for every five responses to an ad, only one will result in an actual encounter. You may have to take her to coffee first to let her check out the vibe. She has a life and a schedule. From first email contact to hooking up takes on average a week or two. She may say yes and change her mind. She may say yes, make a date, and not show up.

* That's right, she might not show up. Every day I see on the Neighborhood Watch board stories of men bent totally out of shape because a hooker didn't show up or -- gasp -- didn't immediately return his call. Landing a semipro calls for a considerably higher level of confidence, control, and patience. If you are gonna flip out emotionally if she makes an appointment with you and then doesn't show up, then don't go after semipros. Young women are young women, and when you start to play the semipro game you are gonna learn a lot about how young women operate. Which most definitely includes not showing up for dates. Live with it. You might as well argue with the tides. Learn to not care about being stood up. This is my number one advice for the semipro game.

* One time I had a coffee date set with a gal who answered my ad. She didn't show up. I called her and she said she forgot, and anyway she was leaving for Europe tomorrow and she'll be back in a couple of weeks. Now I could have gotten irritated, annoyed, whatever. Instead I just said, "Ok, I'll give you a call when you get back. Have a great trip!" And I meant it. Two weeks later I called her and we hooked up and she became a regular for the next couple of months.

* There's a book you have to read. It's called, "How to Date Young Women," subtitled, "For Men over 35." It is the most insightful study I know of the young female mind. It's written by R. Don Steele, who runs a website at http://www.steelballs.com/. The book is about how to date -- not pay, but actually girlfriend/boyfriend date -- young cuties. This book also really improved and focussed my semipro game. He teaches you how young women think and how they view an older man. He thoroughly covers the fact that they are going to stand you up about half the time no matter what you do. He explains why. He teaches you that it's just part of the game. If you're going to play Craigslist successfully, read this book.

* You have to be the adult. What that means is that if she turns out to be lousy in bed, or even worse has no idea of how to provide service or erotic companionship at all, it's all on you. You pay her, smile, say thanks. If she doesn't work out, don't invite her back; but that first session is on you. You are the adult. You've seen a hundred hookers or maybe a thousand; she's had a boyfriend or two in her entire life and has never taken money for sex. You are the man. You must take responsibility for her having a good experience. That doesn't mean giving her a good sexual experience. It means being the adult, being the man. Giving her the space to do whatever feels right to her. I guarantee you that if you do this, what will feel right to her 90% of the time is giving you everything you want. Young women love to please. The other 10% of the time, you have to be the adult and, as I describe it, you must "Bear a bad session with grace." If you can't do that, don't play semipros.


* Recently a beautiful young sexy singer -- starving artist type -- came over to my place and literally rocked my world. I was in love and in lust. A couple weeks later the same girl came over, and this time she had just broken up with her boyfriend. She was genuinely devastated. She vented and we talked and she just didn't have the heart for any erotic activity. After four hours of being her "friend" -- and I did like her, and I did feel for her -- I paid her and sent her home. I haven't seen her again, because deep down the deal is eroticism for cash, and if she's gonna use emotionalism to take advantage of my good nature, I don't want to deal with it. But I didn't cop that particular attitude WITH HER. With her, I was sweet, I gave her a hug, I gave her the cash. And I didn't invite her back. She's a young woman, I'm an old experienced whoremonger, and I take responsibility for providing her with a good experience regardless. If you can't see yourself doing this, don't go after semipros.

* Ok to sum it up: take responsibility for being the experienced man. Be kind, be clear, and never pressure her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Be patient with email and coffee dates. Be strong and grounded. Offer yourself as an opportunity for her to explore her budding sexuality. Make her first experience of being paid, a great experience. If you can do all that, you will have more beautiful sweet genuinely erotic women than you can handle. Especially in the SF Bay Area, where it's a rite of passage for young women to go through their feminist sexual empowerment phase. They want to do it with you. All you have to do is be cool about it.

* You see? These women are not "part-time hookers." Every post I see on Redbook from some guy complaining that he struck out on CL, is because the guy thinks these girls are like the hard-faced $300 escorts who chew gum and watch tv while they're fucking. Semipros are just regular women. They are warm, sweet, sexy women, looking to play with a guy with a sexy mellow vibe and a sense of humor about the whole adventure.

Like you.

Hope that helps.

OD

I don't mind sucking you off but....

Wow. It's been great making out with you, a real live boy, on this couch for 15 minutes. I can see that now, after the conversation we had and the beer you bought me after your friend introduced us at the party, you think it's about time you enjoyed the fruits of your labor. About time you got a blow job from me.

And let me tell you, you came to the right place. Because the world is populated by guys like you; in fact I'm willing to bet there's not one man in the whole wide world who doesn't think he deserves an on-the-couch blow job the first time he makes out with someone, so fear not. This is territory that any girl over the age of 15 has seen many, many times. So don't think I won't do it. There's just a few things I need from you first.

First, I would appreciate it if you would wash your genitals once a day. Just once a day. Heck, you can even do it while you're IN the shower washing anyway. Because guys like you -- don't blame me for presuming -- often live under the gross misunderstanding that their genitals do not stink. Oddly, this is simultaneously the VERY SAME reason they give for not giving us girls oral sex. Listen while I compare the maintenance habits of me and you -- it'll only take a second and I'll get right to it, swear to God.

So. Here's what girls do. We scrub our genitals -- front to back, inside and out -- every day under a high-pressure stream of hot water, using expensive soap designed to both moisturize and leave a pleasant scent. Then we shave most of our genitals. You might think that's an easy task. No, no, my friend. It is not easy. It requires bending, twisting, squatting, stretching and sometimes a hand-held mirror. It must be done every day, but it cannot be rushed. What may be passed off as a "nick" on, say, my knees or your face, can rise to the level of emergency-room-visit when wielding a sharp object so near one's particulars. So. The shaving. Then once a month we go to a snooty spa and spend $80 -- without tip -- for a wax. That's even more fun. That's where we climb up on a table wearing paper panties and then a stranger walks in and starts applying hot wax to our genitals. Often they ask us to assume a particalurly demeaning position -- on all fours, say, or holding one ankle above our heads -- to get every last hair off. And, dude, it hurts. Really. Once we're properly hairless, then we apply TendSkin to prevent red bumps, lotion to prevent any flaky skin and high-priced exfoliating scrub every other day to prevent ingrown hairs. When all is well, we scent our panties and go about our dressing for our big date with you, the super cute boy. Why all this preparation, you ask? It's just so that when we DO manage to be making out with you, you can scrunch up your nose, look at our genitals and say that you "don't do that." You're like, "Sorry, it's not you, I just don't..." And we're like, "Oh, no. It's OK," secretly resenting every painful minute of our genital-prep time. OK, OK, that's us. Now here's you.

You probably run a wet bar of Irish Spring under your armpits every morning and, if we're lucky, maybe take a swipe near your unmentionables. That's the beginning and the end, am I right? You might be surprised to find that Irish Spring or no, you STILL may be stinky. It's true! See, guys secrete sweat and stuff down there, just like girls. And it's an area that never gets any sunlight or fresh air, just like girls. You piss and shit and sometimes it doesn't all go away, just like girls. You have hair down there, just like girls. See where I'm going with this? You may stink as bad -- nay, worse! -- than me, the lucky lady about to put your cock and balls in my mouth. But have you ever heard a girl say she "doesn't do that"? Exactly. We don't say that. So do me a favor, please, and tomorrow start scrubbing your gentials with the same fervor I scrub mine. And consider buying wet toilet paper, it really does help you stay clean throughout the day. Anytime you think you might be perfectly clean, just rub a finger around your testicles and butt crack, then smell it. If comes up Irish Spring, perfect. If not, just think. I'm going to have to put my face in that.

So. Sorry to blabber on so long. I promise I'm almost done and we can start the fabuloso blow job I know you've been thinking about ever since that fateful night when you looked at me and said, "'Sup?" Just a couple more things. Listen to me now. I give pretty good blowjobs. Seriously. I do. For a non-porn-star, I'm willing to bet this is about as good as you're ever going to get. But hear me out. If you want to put your dick in my mouth, that is perfectly fine with me. But you need to respect the fact that my teeth were there first. I can't, sadly, do anything with them as the Good Lord has seen fit to leave me all my teeth at this late age of 26 and I don't have dentures. So if you have a serious problem with teeth touching your penis, here's what I suggest you do: Don't put your dick in other people's mouths. See, that's where all the teeth are. It is soooo easy to avoid getting my teeth against your dick. Just stop putting it in my mouth. Voila! If you insist on putting your dick in my mouth, and I can see that you do, I can promise to do my best to dis-locate my jaw to give you a blowjob that is all suck, spit and tongue. But sometimes you may feel a tooth. Whoops! No need to freak out. The same goes for anal sex, should we ever find ourselves down that path in the future. If you ever want to put your dick up my ass, and don't even pretend, I know you will, that's OK. As long as I feel like you care about me and respect me, that's totally OK. But if I let you put your dick up my butthole, please don't freak out if, afterward, you discover a speck of fecal matter on your penis on our way to the shower. Wow. That really embarasses me, believe me. No need to point it out. And if you do point it out, I can tell you there's a simple solution for not getting fecal matter on your penis. What you do is, stop putting it in other people's assholes. See how easy that is?

But I digress. We're not talking about anal sex here, are we? We're talking about oral sex, about the blowjob you expect from me because you got me that Amstel Light at the show, when you totally could've just gone Coors Light. My hat's off, sir. You deserve a treat. So here goes. Now that we've had this little talk, I hope our oral sex experiences can be positive for both of us. Oh. One last thing. I'm going to swallow, OK?, and that doesn't mean I love you and want to marry you. That means I'll taste it less and won't have your semen coursing over my tongue as I spit it out. So don't read anything into that. Thanks for listening, and enjoy.